I came home today really feeling discouraged. I knew it was time to take my own advice of the other day, that is, to remember to stay balanced. Today was uphill slogging all the way in every respect. Normally (as recently as two days ago!) I wouldn’t just “feel” like quitting right about now. I would go ahead and stop pedaling and let myself slide backward down this hill. I would go through the motions on the outside, but on the inside it would be, “This is too hard. I quit.”. Then I would be looking for some kind of “escape” (TV, a book, a carton of Haagen-Das, you name it) and giving into the negativity -- temporarily, at least. But I can’t! I told all you guys out there in Blogdomland (and myself at the same time) that you have to keep things in balance and when the going gets tough, that means the downhill part is coming. It’s just about to get easier. (That's the kind of strength that comes from "community". Thanks, readers.)
I’ve been hearing a lot of lies today: “You’re not making any difference here.” “Change? You've got to be kidding. That's not happening here..” “You’ll never see any lasting change.” “It’s hopeless.” “Nobody listens to you. Not really” “You just think you’re influencing people to change, but people never really change, blah, blah, blah,” ad nauseum, ad infinitum.)
Actually, as I sit here thinking about it, all those “lies” really are the truth. Well, they’re potentially the truth. It’s my choice. If I believe them and accept them as the truth, if I sit down right here in the middle of the road and say, “I’m here, dismal though it is, I've reached the goal”, then they will become my reality and this is where I will stay.
Or I can disregard them, view them as lies, and keep pedaling. No matter how hard it gets, or how tired I feel or how much I want to quit. If I keep my eyes on the Prize, then that becomes my reality and all the stuff I was hearing today really does turn into lies. My choice. And then – for a while anyway – I’ll be able to coast. Until the next hill…
But one hill, then a coast, another hill, another coast, a few more hills, up and down, and I’m home. I think I’ll hang on for the long haul… I'm setting my sights for "home".
(Today’s post really should be read along with a recent post on Dave Hingsburger’s blog, “Chewing the Fat”. You can read it at http://www.davehingsburger.blogspot.com/.. It’s called “Making Possible” and was posted on January 2. You need to read his post to really understand why I used the word "home" in my last paragraph. Thanks, Dave, for the challenge your posts have been, and this one in particular. The journey continues!)
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2 comments:
I for one am cheering that you decided to keep pedaling today. We can only do anything one day at a time--with rests in between. As I said elsewhere today--He restores our souls--and tomorrow is a brand new day!
I tried to leave a post yesterday but couldn't figure out what those letters were that I was supposed to type in. I'm trying again. I wanted you to know first, that I had decided to write a post before I got to the part where you suggested readers go to my own blog. I wanted to say that having grown up in a toxic environment. Where liars told their truths ... I was ugly, stupid, unwanted, without worth or value ... the thing I heard most was 'who do you think you are' and the only acceptable answer was 'nothing, noone'. It became hard to hear positive things out of the mouths of others or even from the wellspring of my own heart. I could be easily taken in by the negativity of others - the slightest suggestion that I wasn't worth brought relief ... finally someone knows and saying pubicly what is true. It's a battle to learn to hear the truth ... but you must because for me, it was really true ... the truth has set me free. Dave
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